tonight
(adventurous people: timmy, max, seb, shaun, and I)
oh so waywerd adventurous
so we started out at the dorms with jimmy's best wishes. then shaun said "hey, lets go to the secret pond" so we started out going and all of the sudden we were taking the rape trail to valley two. we end up at valley two smoker's island were we met some new people who's names i can remember at the time, i probably won't remember their names at all. it's a growing trend. whatever, anyways, we were at smoker's island at valley two but we needed to go farther to reach the pond. so we were given the option, to walk down the hill (which was not a good idea) or take the stairs...so we started walking down the hill. all of the sudden out of no where i see max rolling down this dewy wet tall grassy hill. it was funny, i was wearing flip flops, not that funny. we end up going thru fence gate thru the woods and end our lord of the rings journey at valley three secret back pond. it was kind of peaceful actually. we chill out there for a couple minutes and then we start to head back. tim (talking to his girlfriend emma, who is a nice lady) all of the sudden took off back toward home, like speed walking. idk how he got back so fast. we end up at valley two smoker's island again, like the friggen twilight zone. where shaun had to stay back cuz some girl left her purse there and he was being awesomely responsible and stayed there and watched it. who is actually gonna read this whole blog? whateva so Seb, Max, and I walk up back thru the rape trail and that is were we discover that max and i are gonna start and unplugged acoustic duo, cuz we awesome, ya dig? and now the night is settling down and i am gonna go to bed because i'm tired. and severin is asking about this adventure we all went on cuz he wasn't there. but he can just read this blog, ya know what i mean?

     The last time i worried about going to sleep this bad is the night when Dorian was retreating all destroyed from the wet muddy no man's land with a heavy bullet wound flooding his chest. The light is so absent that i can barely see my hand five inches away from my face. The air is so musty it builds up horrible condensation in my knees. The ground is so muddy it consumes, but i embrace the mud and hope i stay stuck in it so i wouldn't have to kill any more men. Men with lives, feelings, families, and peace. The thick smell of gun powder and life-lost lingers on the battle front with a terrible fear that scratches away at your insides like a blind mole digging it's way through your body until it gets to you head. I'm at the point right now, the mole tore away pieces from my heart and has festered my mind with no forethought of my mental forgiveness. I am deep in war. A war for a reason that would mean so little if we were young children. I am deep in reason. A reason that young children grow into men to bring themselves deep into war. The only thing i can do is sit, wait, and listen to the caps shoot off into the night. the same bullet shots that ease me to sleep. The same rounds of ammunition that make me grip this rifle full of my own fire power closer to my body deep into the night as i fall asleep, terrified.